Four and a half years ago I met Erik, and little did I know at that time what he would come to mean to me. Since our first meeting I knew he was different, but that difference scared me so much that as we became friends and began growing closer, I eventually told him to no longer speak to me. Poor Erik. The weirdest part of it all though, was that he listened. He respected what I'd asked of him, and after just two or three days of silence, I realized what a mistake I had made. It wasn't long after that we began dating, and my world was flipped upside down.
I'd never met anyone like Erik before. He was the exact opposite of what I thought I wanted; he was from the city, he'd never been hunting, he didn't enjoy camping, and he was extremely interested in politics. I kept trying to tell myself that it wasn't going to go anywhere, but i couldn't get away from him, and before I knew it, things like this were happening.
I was happier than I'd ever been in my life, and Erik treated me better than I'd ever been treated before. He was always there for me, opening doors for me, listening to me, always putting me first. It didn't take us long to bring up the "M" word, marriage. I always thought that talking about marrying someone would scare me, but with Erik it didn't. It just felt right. I was blessed to grow up in a home where I was taught that God, our Heavenly Father, will always lead us and guide us, and that if we are living our lives to the best of our abilities and obeying God's commandments, we will be blessed, and that God will not guide us astray, and so it was for me when it came to Erik. I just knew, and never even questioned it.
In January of 2011 we got engaged, and it was fabulous!
We finished out our semester making wedding plans, and even though it was a crazy last week of school, we got everything done. Amidst packing and moving all our stuff into our new apartment and me finishing all of my finals, Erik graduated with his bachelors the night before we got married.
It had been a crazy day, but we were both so excited for the coming morning, which turned out to be the most beautiful day of my life. As members of the LDS (mormon) faith, Erik and I knew that we weren't just getting married, but that we were sealing ourselves together for time and all eternity. We knew that because Christ's church has been restored to the earth through the prophet Joseph Smith, we were going to be able to covenant with God, to survive as a couple even after death, and that we would always be together because we were married in one of God's Holy Temples. As we entered the temple in Rexburg, Idaho, and made those promised with God, I wept. I had never been so filled with goodness and light, and it was a glorious, beautiful experience.
After our marriage life continued on. I went back to school for my last year, and Erik worked. Just a few months shy of our first anniversary we found out I was pregnant, and although we were terrified, we were also very, very excited! Three days before our first anniversary I graduated from college with my bachelors, and we began to prepare to move to Illinois so that Erik could receive his masters.
Having Elijah was one of the best things that had ever happened to us, but it also came at a huge cost. I began a downward spiral into a depression that I didn't even know possible. At first the doctors just ruled it as postpartum depression, but after a year and a half of utter hopelessness, it was obvious that what I was experience was much more. I was soon diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, and without realizing it at first, I had began a road of personally healing that would test me to the max.
In the past year I have felt and thought things that no human should ever have to think or feel. I have been pushed to my uttermost limits, and then some, and at times I have thought that there was no hope, and that I would lose everything I'd ever fought for. At times I was sure that Erik would be done, leave me in my pitifullness, and honest truth, I wouldn't have blamed him. But in those moments when I was sure that I was alone, and that everyone would leave, Erik never, ever did. During this past year as I have been pushed to my maxed emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, Erik has always been there. He's been there in my deepest sorrow, he's helped me through my inner depths, and he's fought along side me as I've battled my inner demons. Erik has woken up early, stayed up late, and taken care of our son to help me and to keep me where I need to be in order to be able to heal. He has sacrificed everything for me, and he has done it without complaining. He has shown me what it means to be unconditionally loved by your partner, by your best friend, and he has shown me that I matter, even when I think and feel that I don't. He has held me through my tears, and rejoiced with me in my triumphs, and he has encouraged me in every step that I have taken on my lonely path. He has always been here, and he has proven over and over again that he will not leave me, ever. He has shown me what it means to be loved by someone, fully and completly, without any restraint. He has become my rock and my light, and without him, I would truly be lost.
Four years ago when I married Erik, I knew that I was doing the right thing, that I was doing what God desired, but now, four years later, I understand why God desired it. God knew that only one person would be able to do for me what I would need done, and that that person is Erik. God knew this, and because God is good, he led Erik and I to each other, and I will forever be grateful that he did. Because being with Erik is what I need most, and God knew that.
So today I want to say that I love you, Erik, and I thank God everyday for letting you be my friend, my husband, and my helpmeet. I love you so much, and look forward to the day that I can show it to you, as you have shown it to me. Happy Anniversary,
Love,
Lacey Miller
While I was reading this Candle on the Water was playing on my computer, so it was that much more of a powerful message. Love you and miss you Lacey!
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