Lately I've been seeing lots of posts about mothers who have written "letters" as their infant explaining how when the mom lets the baby "cry it out" the infant feels alone, lost, unloved, and even though the infant eventually goes to sleep themselves and is quiet, how the infant still misses their mother but has resigned to the knowledge that they are unloved at nap time. Well I hate to break it to the writers of these letters, but infants can't write, and what they are saying is just what they think and feel the infant is experiencing. I am an adult now, and my mom let me "cry it out" when I was a baby, and I can write a letter, so here it is.
Dear Mom,
I just want to take a minute and thank you so much for loving me enough to let me "cry it out" when I was a baby. As an adult and a new mother who is also sleep training her child to "cry it out" I am learning how much you truly do love me. Thank you for understanding that as an infant, I have no concept of what is really important for my health. All I want is attention, I did whatever I could to get it. Thank you though for understanding that learning to soothe myself to sleep was and is a skill I needed to learn. There are many reasons why I am so grateful for this, and I want to make a list of a few of them.
Thank you for understanding that sleep is one of the most important parts of a child's life. Thank you for understanding that not all sleep is created equal, and that long, uninteruppted sleep is crucial to brain maturation. Thank you for understanding that STUDIES done by real psychologists and doctors have proven that infants and children who don't get uninterupted sleep periods at night, (or to say those who wake up every two to four hours for a comfort nursing or a snuggle with mom or dad) are much more likely to become adult insomniacs and have sleep problems. Thank you so much for allowing me to learn to sleep through the night by myself, so that now, as an adult, I can go to sleep quickly without problems.
Thank you for understanding that even though I crave attention, that sleep is more important. Thank you for understanding that even though your heart hurt to hear me cry those first few nights when you left me in my crib, and you felt like the worst parent ever, that you didn't give in to me, and that you helped me learn that I can go sleep on my own. It is a skill that has blessed me my whole life. Through going to college and having many different roommates, many of them had big trouble going to sleep and staying asleep. I haven't asked them specifically but I would bet that as infants their mothers always went to them when they started to cry at night or during nap time, and those habits they learned at even such a young age have affected them for the rest of their lives. Thank you for preventing that in me, and teaching me the importance of doing the same for my children.
Thank you also for understanding that a goods night sleep results in a very happy baby. Thank you for letting me cry so that I could go to sleep, stay asleep, and wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and ready for the day. Ready to play, learn, and explore without the slow mind not enough sleep produces in everyone, especially babies.
And last, thank you for understanding the FACTS and the RESEARCH. Thanks for understanding that even though hearing you baby cry him or herself to sleep is very, very difficult, that it is showing your child you truly do love them, and respect their need for sleep. It is a habit that still blesses me today. Thank you so much for loving me the way you do.
As an adult who was sleep trained by "crying it out" I can also say that I have never harbored ill feelings towards you, felt abondoned, or affected by my sleep schedule as an infant. Infact, I don't remember any of it, the only thing I remember is being able to go to bed by myself at a young age, and if I woke back up at night, being able to put myself back to sleep again.
So thank you for loving me, Mom, and for respecting my need to sleep, even when at first I protested.
Love your daughter,
Lacey Miller
(If you want the references to where I got my facts I can give them to you, they are facts shown and proven by doctors and psychiatirsts with real degrees and real results)
(for anyone looking for a wonderful book to help parents learn how to sleep train their children, this has been my favorite, and I HIGHLY reccomend it Below is the amazon link. The book is entitled "Healthy sleep habits happy child" and is by Dr. Marc Weissbluth.)
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1384185231&sr=1-1&keywords=healthy+sleep+habits+happy+child
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